"Well, yes... In the course of researching my doctoral thesis, I occasionally paid for sessions with professional dominatrixes. But this was strictly out of academic necessity. And as most of you can appreciate, professional dommes don't work cheap; so by apportioning my meager grant from the Mösknvorr Foundation, I was limited to only one or two sessions each week (allowing for medical necessities). So this was hardly a fulfilling proposition. When funds ran short, I enlisted the aid of coed graduate students, although none demonstrated particular aptitude for careers in the discipline.

My basis was the seminal, Training a Masochist (Lang et al, 1937), which delineates our evolutionary foundations for such paradoxical behavior. You see, Maslow was remiss in his omission of nipple clamps (and electric shock devices) near the base of his hierarchy. Most scholars now concede that he underestimated the importance of latex undergarments as well. But, uh... We all have active biochemical laboratories contained neatly within our skulls. And when we talk about reinforcing behavior via the so-called 'reward pathway,' we are talking about physical changes on some level. Eventually, the body might take these changes for granted, coming to rely on them for normal function. This is the unfortunate condition I find myself in today, with these pseudo-sadomasochistic endeavors necessary for my very survival.

Now, there are those -- particularly attorneys for the Mösknvorr Foundation -- who suggest that I was simply bored while narrowing my course of study. But I assure you: I enjoyed myriad diversions at the time (including flower pressing); yet for whatever reason, these other pastimes never seemed quite as interesting as a good flogging administered by a leather-clad Mistress in six-inch heels."