GNUUNDÄRD (IP) -- By effectively presenting an untold quantity of distinct haiku in a single page, Marc Weber seems to have exceeded the total quantity of haiku currently understood by most academics. The feat first occurred on or about November 10, 2010, using a computing machine hard-wired to the internet.
Noted haiku analyst, Leslie Mösknvorr, was excited about the prospects. "Haiku generation of this magnitude should drastically impact world markets," she declared. "It's the dawn of a new era [in which] haiku becomes commonplace, almost like cell phones. In fact, I just got a new phone myself -- a Veirstitönäl 7Qi-z. See how small it is?"
Some experts remain skeptical as to the legitimacy of Weber's haiku fabrications. "If you're just counting syllables, then I suppose these might qualify," conceded a well-placed (yet cloistered) analyst, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "I doubt that any one of [these] numerous contrivances has the wherewithal ... to make old men cry or women swoon; and that's about which what poetry is."
But Mösknvorr pointed out, "The aggregate quantity of haiku we're talking about here might be approximated by two raised to [some] power. Clearly, that's significant. But if you were to raise that same base to an even higher power... Well, who knows what might happen. See, if these weren't real haiku, there's no way [they] could support that kind of mass. Consider that my new cell phone weighs only 3.9 ounces, which is just over 85 scruples to an apothecary."
Dr. Lori Kördann, who has written extensively on Weber's 'poetry,' was performing surgery at the time of this report; but her office issued a statement saying, "We are still trying to determine the source of the bleeding."
