Instructions:

1. Get plenty of rest the night before reading this poem, then eat a healthy breakfast including 6-7 ounces of fresh fruit. Ask your neighborhood grocer (or produce manager) what's in season.
2. Dress appropriately. If you are wearing athletic sneakers, have a friend ensure that these are tied correctly.
3. Allow a minimum of 85 minutes to complete the poetry process.
4. Use a normal speaking voice when reciting this poem, maintaining approximately 24" (61 cm) between your mouth and the source material (monitor or hard copy).
5. Read in an even, measured pace, pausing momentarily at the end of each line for effect. You may want to borrow a metronome from the Music Department to assist in tempering your measure. Advanced readers are encouraged to experiment with different frequencies.
6. Consult an approved resource (e.g., Oxford or even Webster) for proper diction.
7. Report any suspicious activity to the proper authorities. (For guidance on what constitutes "suspicious," refer to one of the resources cited above.)
8. Resist the urge for dramatic interpretation or embellishment. Any listener should have no doubt that you are reading unfamiliar material.
9. When finished, nod thoughtfully and say, "Well, I guess that's it."
10. When asked why this is poetry, stroke your beard (or, if you are a girl, embroider a pillow) and say, "I think this must have something to do with art. I mean, it's not prose, is it?"
11. Complete the enclosed questionnaire, and submit in the envelope provided.
12. Rest quietly for at least 25 minutes before resuming daily activities.