Falling Resolved - A Brief Footnote
By Leslie Mösknvorr, Haiku Analyst, Vestibriüm University
Since its initial circulation in 1999, "falling (out of love)" has engendered a plethora of theories regarding the identity of its inauspicious protagonist. Analysis of historical data has persuaded researchers to agree on three candidates (within an undeclared statistically significant confidence level), identified in most literature as A, B, and C. The only tangible lead (other than gender) offered by the poem itself is a drop distance of "nine feet." Assuming what is considered the optimal force for traditional hanging, a literal interpretation of "nine feet" implies a body weight of exactly 140 pounds, which (barring hyperbole) is not statistically consistent with any of the three options. However, if we introduce the possibility of rounding, then we can derive a range which might overlap the parameters of the established solution set. Here, one must assume a liberal tolerance, for rounding to the inch allows a variation of only one pound (technically, about two-thirds of a pound). Thus, it seems plausible -- especially given the poem's syllabic constraints -- that substantial artistic license was employed in rounding to the foot. Under this interpretation, the drop range becomes approximately 8'6" to 9'5", which would be desirable (i.e., appropriate) for a body weight of 134 to 148 pounds. As the only candidate encompassed by this new criteria, it appears that the demise of C is portended -- albeit (somewhat) figuratively.